[ ALL EMPLOYEES MUST READ ]

Effective immediately, all company facilities are CLOSED.

All personal belongings must be INCINERATED or BURIED.

Any unauthorized copying, distribution, or theft of company data

will result in LEGAL PROSECUTION and referral to the Disciplinary Committee.

Maximum penalty: Forfeiture of severance pay

Minimum penalty: SKULL FRACTURE

All employees must acknowledge this notice and GO HOME.

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